It's intimidating to try to lose weight. Obviously.
I feel like I am always either raring up to go, feeling thin, on top of the world, or giving up on myself, feeling bloated and gross, and a bit worthless. In reality, life is happening all in between. And no matter what I am thinking day to day, whether I'm having a 'fat day' or a 'smokin hot' day... The truth is that everyone else just sees me as who I am every day... Just... me.
There are a lot of things in the next year that matter a lot for me in which it will be easy for people to 'judge me.' I'll be interviewing for medical residency as well as getting married. The vanity in me wants to be thin for these events because, as I said before, people will be judging me. I get overwhelmed with these thoughts, and, if I'm honest, they are paralyzing, and I've made no progress since I've 'set out' to start. I start in the morning, give up by the afternoon, and make myself turn over a new leaf every day... and it seems like it's because I tell myself that because I'm overweight, eating makes me feel better instead of things happening the other way around. Like, what a fatty. May as well divulge your situation with eating! I also keep postponing my "for real" start until I have a little more time--which is always to me just a week or 2 away. But, as it is for everyone, life is so busy... and 2 weeks away becomes a somewhat permanent distance from where I am.
I need to keep reminding myself that with this year of change, no matter if I don't lose any weight, I will still have accomplished something incredible-graduating from medical school & (hopefully) matching into a residency in a field I am obsessed with-- as well as being promised forever by a guy who blows me away every day. I accomplished those things in my overweight state. I am an entity separate from my overweight-ness... which is obviously amplified to me and only me. I feel that in order for me to have the confidence and to lessen the pressure of weight loss, I need to remind myself that my weight is really not an important part of who I am.
If I lose weight, wonderful! If I don't, my life will still be amazing. I am surrounded by wonderful people and get to do such bad ass things at work that I can't believe it's a job. Life is truly sweet right now, and I'm lucky, because these sweet spots in life are often fleeting and gone before we give ourselves time to be grateful. My happiness is not--and should not be-- determined by the number of perfect days I have. If I go over my calorie limit, I will not let food or, better yet, thoughts about food ruin my day (and causing me to fulfill the prophecy by eating to make myself feel better). When you start thinking of it logically, it's really the most idiotic thing ever. I am just going to make healthy choices and track my food so at least I'm aware. The calorie number is less important. At the end of the day, I want to be a doctor and a (future) mom that can lead by example. I want to teach my patients and my children that living a healthy lifestyle is achievable, not tortuous, but requires thought and self-respect. However... I have to teach myself that first.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2lgcnZY
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