I am NOT SURE if I am even allowed to post this weight confession or weight realization.
It does relate to my body and where I was and where I want to be.
It may be common knowledge to not KISS AND TELL. But this was a MAJOR moment for me. If you want to read a confession please read on, if not click away.
I met him a month ago through mutual friends
I used to socialize and go out a lot with friends. Clubs, bars, festivals, sober events, everywhere. I was a very confident woman. That was about 90lbs ago. I ended up hitting a pretty severe depression about 3-4 years ago. And the pounds piled on during that stage. I became a recluse. I didn't want anyone to see me. I slowly noticed my pants becoming tighter. I had to keep buying larger sizes of everything. I traveled and had to use a belt extension. I was mortified. I left a life of social events, running, hiking, weightlifting, and yoga. NOT on purpose. I promise. it just happened...
I was staying on my couch, online, face in a phone, food being delivered, watching Netflix. Giving up.
I tried and failed many times to lose weight in the last four years. My heart and head were just NOT in the game.
THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED ABOUT A MONTH AGO
Not just ONE thing...but many things in my life. It's almost as if LIFE was telling me to "GET MY SH*T TOGETHER!"
So, I've been confiding in YOU GUYS. Making a game plan for my life. Making goals. Realizing what works for me and what doesn't. I decided I was going to take control and TRY. For real... TRY.
TO THE POINT OF THIS POST
I have started to go out with friends again. To get away from my couch. I'm embarrassed just to say that, but it's been true. I've avoided that damn couch like the plague. And I met him. And OMG... instant crush! I couldn't believe I could be 31 and still get those. Very nice guy. Very sweet.
I had told our mutual friend that I liked him. A few weeks later, to this weekend, we all went out. The guy was our DD and overall babysitter. I got a good buzz off a couple shots (logged them) and we went dancing. It was really fun! He kept trying to dance with me. But I was so shy! I admit, I was self-conscious about the other women. So thin, so in shape. It kind of got to me. Anyway, we went back to my friend's house and had to pass out my friend. And me and (We'll call him A) A, got to talking. He knew so much about me through our friend. Apparently, he had been asking questions about me and my friend told him I liked him. UGH. But anyway.... we did the deed. It just happened.
HE MADE ME FEEL EMOTIONALLY AMAZING
From me wanting the lights off, to wanting to cover myself, to wanting to avoid certain positions, and angles!! lol. He really kept me calm and reassured me. And I so NEEDED that. I seriously want to thank him for making me feel beautiful, even when I do not feel that way about myself.
But the whole situation reminded me that I do have a body underneath all these clothes. And that I want to feel great about this body again. I want to own my confidence again. I want to live a healthy life and feel great for a very long time.
Anyway, if i offended anyone with this post...I am genuinely sorry. I just imagined there are others on this sub who have went through similar or are avoiding life for similar reasons. A big hug to anyone scared of their own circumstances. I know how it feels.
Thanks for letting me kiss and tell. xoxo
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