Hi all!
I’m a 23 F who has been fat most of her life. When I was 16, I was sexually assaulted and essentially experienced PTSD for the next couple of years quite intensely. During this period, I became quite obsessed over losing weight. I was so desperate to change the person I was, to get rid of myself, to have control, to do anything that could overwhelm my sense of pain that I lost over 100 lbs. in a year through vigorous cardio and eating anywhere between 700 - 1000 calories a day. I was passing out, I felt exhausted, and the people around me continually applauded me — my teachers, my family, my neighbors — for my weight loss. I went from a sexual assault victim to a weight loss hero in only a year.
While in college, I became occupied with my work, friends, and living in a new city that I no longer felt worried about calorie counting or going to the gym. I was having fun and embracing who I was. I learned body positivity from my group of friends. And, I began growing an outside perspective of what I was doing to myself at 16, 17, 18 years old. I knew what I did was wrong, but I also learned how to understand why I did what I did and how I can grow from that experience. I also spent this time just relearning my hunger and fullness signals (although the fullness one is still off, I am extremely happy I can feel hunger again).
And, here I am at 23. I have put on a lot of weight since then. I think I eat way more healthy foods than when I did when I was losing weight, but I am still bigger than I was then. I find myself wanting to lose weight, but this time in a healthy way — no pushing myself on the point of passing out and no starving myself. I want to understand and feel when I am hungry and full more than ever. I also want to get in shape, but not just through cardio. I want to build muscle, tone my body, and enjoy what movements I’m doing with my body rather than how long I can run for until I’m passing out. To not obsess over numbers (I haven’t weighed myself in 4 years, and I feel that is something I don’t want to fall back into the habit to), but care about how I feel.
So, here I am sharing with you my story to have some accountability and support for this weight loss journey I am about to embark on where I not only acknowledge my past behavior was a bad choice for my health and I, but that I can lose weight, get in better shape, and feel good about it without harming myself. I’m not one to post much, but I am reading and learning so much by being part of this community.
Thank you for listening.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2JsuGtd
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