I'm eating 1200cals/day and it really doesn't leave room for anything that isn't planned.
Yesterday I wanted to get drunk with my boyfriend. He was already prepared- we had flavorless vodka and diet soda. I had about 300cals left, which is plenty for a lightweight like me, with a shot of vodka around 100cals.
However, I was so hungry, to the point where it was the only thing I could think about. In addition, I'm a sad drunk. If something is bothering me before I drink, drinking usually makes it so much worse.
So instead I ended up eating some lunch meat and a fruit bar, staying within my caloric goal, and going to sleep early.
Honestly, I was sad. I wanted to have a good time with him, and I could tell he was a little disappointed, as understanding and as respectful as he is. I've basically cut out alcohol within the last month or so, so he was looking forward to it.
And honestly, I was disappointed too. I thought about how disgusting and unconfident and absolutely gross I felt at my starting weight. And I thought about the mental toll of eating at a deficit. Both situations suck! It hasn't gotten easier, since starting in April. I've gotten so much stronger, not only physically, but mentally. But it doesn't get easier.
This post is just a rant really.
Weight loss is hard.
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