I was really close to an eating disorder but now that i realized it, it gets better.

Hello fellow loser :)

As you can see in my flair, I already lost quite a bit of weight. I am still not at my goal weight, but quite close. Still 6 or 7 pounds to lose. But I really struggle with those last pounds to be honest. Now I realized that this is because I slowly developed an eating disorder. So slow that I did not notice it until a few days ago.

Well now, it was not something like starving myself, vomiting or binge eating, but something more overseeable.

First I started to eat more 'healthy' like veggies, chicken, fish and almost never using any oil to cook. Of course I got big cravings in the evening because I did not have enough calories, or not enough fat. But I thought almost no fat would be a good and 'healthy' thing. At the end of the day I would probably get some ice cream because my body wanted it and hate myself afterwards.

That was a usual day for the last month or so.

I really got obsessed with eating 'healthy' and punishing me if I could not live up to my high standards.

I wasn't losing weight at this point, but I thought I would become more disciplined over time and it would be fine. After all, I was mostly eating 'healthy'.

But guess what? That did not happen.

Eventually I would lose a pound sometimes, but only because of luck and it was not good for me, neither for my body nor my mental health.

It did get so bad that I started planning around my meals, instead of planning my meals around what I would want to do. For example I would cancle a night with friend because I would not get to eat my precious chicken with veggies at 7pm. I would not meet up with my boyfriend because I wanted to eat my veggies at home. I avoided any kind of social interaction that would lead to eating anything 'unhealthy'.

As it turns out.. I was unhealthy.

I realized it a week or so ago, deleted LoseIt and starting eating noodles, cheese, bread and other things again. Slowly, but I am getting there. I mean I still eat chicken, veggies and fish, but not only these things. And I feel a lot better.

I go out and eat when I get the time. I am not obsessed with eating and not constantly thinking about food. I already lost a pound since I started eating food that I enjoy and do not start snacking in the evening, because I am satisfied. I will not count calories again and restrain from trying to lose weight for some time. Maybe I will even lose it during that time. Maybe not. It really does not matter if I think about losing my friends and important hobbies because of it.

Just wanted to share my experience. Maybe it helps someone out there to see their own behavior in a different light or angle.

submitted by /u/Mlzukl
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