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(Is this the right board? Where else may I post this?)
Hi... I need to know if the therapist organization we're going to is qualified to treat and diagnose personality disorders or mood disorders, as well as do effective couples therapy, or if we should just move on? We've (mostly me) have had a few bad, seemingly unprofessional experiences so far and we do not feel satisfied with our treatment so far. My ex's plan is limited but there should still be more options out there, she doesn't have the will to start searching again. We're putting our lives in these people's hands and we need to know how qualified they are or aren't for me, for my ex, and (hopefully, someday) for us.
So besides advice, I had a few questions as well:
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What is a LCPC or Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor? What is their education level, their limits, etc?
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Is there a difference between a therapist and a counselor?
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My ex's self-help book on caretaking BP/NPs says that personality disorders are very hard to diagnose, that most therapists cannot diagnose BP/NP, that insurance companies do not pay therapists to treat an "incurable disease." How much of this is true?
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What is Adlerian psychotherapy and is it legit? Namely I am concerned about stumbling into quackery, pseudoscience, etc. especially since my ex found this place and she is susceptible to New Agey stuff.
A little bit of context. I tried not to go into too much detail below but the gist of it is:
We met online and we've deeply cared for each other for years, we've helped each other grow and been there for each other during bad times, but we have BPD-like attachment issues that have torn us apart
Assuming she has BPD, she researches effective therapies and finds out about CBT. She finds a place that claims to practice CBT
We moved in together March, she left April after having an episode where she locked herself in her room thinking I was killing her (I've never hit anyone in my life)
We had already agreed to couples therapy beforehand, so we had one and a half sessions
First session is OK, but I saw problems. LCPC throws around psychological terms like "catastrophizing" and "PTSD" around casually but won't give formal diagnosis to my ex? He also just chuckles at the things that's happened in our relationship and even calls it a drama jokingly. Also counselor says I shouldn't see him because he doesn't want to "triangulate", but when I tell him about the appointment I already have with him he doesn't say no.
Yet when I get there for my appointment I find out I don't have an appointment anyway (did he cancel the appointment? Idk.) so my ex and I waste 40 minutes of our day. He wants me to see his Adlerian clinical psychotherapist colleague...?
The second session was terrible, nothing was accomplished, counselor sat back and just let us bicker like an old married couple for an hour, then he antagonized me because he's taking my ex's off-day depressed statements at face value (never loving me, etc.) I attend the sessions on her plan, and ex suggests he's taken a special liking to her. Nonetheless he has a very shallow understanding of our years-long relationship and he can't even seem to remember what my ex tells her in their sessions...
Counselor says my ex is manipulating her(???), concludes I'm toxic (after two sessions) and tells her to cut me off from her life (this happened yesterday)
Ex has a nervous breakdown after her devaluating splitting emotions of me feel validated, and she no-contacts me After the LCPC snubbed me, I'm still expected to have my first appointment at the same place tomorrow with an Adlerian clinical psychotherapist. I need to know if I should cancel or not. (I would have to walk anyway and my back and knees can't take the strain, ex took the car.)
If this bias from the therapist seems a bit far-fetched, well, my fears were confirmed yesterday when he said that he'd ask me to stay outside instead of having a couples therapy session we've requested. My ex texted me last night:
The therapist said that if you had come today he would have asked you to let me go in alone. He said I've just been manipulating him into saving me. He said the relationship is toxic and he doesn't know why I haven't cut you off. He said the way you spoke to me really bothered him and that he watched you try to control me and talk me out of my feelings.
So she told me off, swore at me, called me a piece of shit, leech, liar, etc., then blocked me. Told me she doesn't want to move back in anymore after all the planning we'd done, some of her stuff is still here, she still has to check our mail here (one mail key), etc... and she's still burning through finances and giving away all her stuff, not even selling it. I'm hoping she comes to her senses and comes back. And sooner than later, but I can't take much of this rollercoaster anymore. But I have no choice, for many reasons it would be too long to get into. (trust me I spent hours working on this post and it just became a huge ramble.)
And worst of all what kind of therapist or counselor accuses their patients of manipulation, and judges your loved ones in less than 2 hours? Isn't the point of going to therapy to be saved in a way?! What is going on???
Now I have to go there tomorrow at 11 to start my own therapy at the same office where my no-contact ex is going to see a counselor that's urging her to cut me off completely. No "triangulation" at all...
I'm also hurt, I'm frustrated, and most of all I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I have no friends and no family to turn to, I'm stuck here without a car or roommate or a job, and my situation with the most important person in my life is just chaotic.
If that's all the info you need then please let me know what to do. If not I can post a potentially TMI amount. Thank you.
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