sometimes it comes and goes but i always have this underlying feeling of never being good enough/being a bad person/not deserving to live. there's so many things going on in my life and it feels so chaotic and i cant mentally handle it. my insomnia has been so bad lately. my anxiety and paranoia has skyrocketed. weirdly, my depression isnt as bad as it has been in the past but its still...not...good. im just so tired. i wish i could lay down and sleep for ages but i know that anyone who sees me would just call me lazy or ungrateful. i have no friends and im always alone and whenever i try to reach out to people, they dont want to talk to me. so i stopped trying and no one has contacted me since, its been a few years now. i see everyone i knew move on with their lives and get new friends, get married, get jobs that actually pay rent, go travel, do things, see people, experience things. ive never had any of that but i wish i did. and its more than a 'just do it', its complicated. i just dont see the point in living here or being alive in general, im just so tired. im so tired of being nothing, of being no one. sometimes i wish my mind would just go, just leave. then i wouldnt have to worry anymore, or care about things, or live with myself. im so tired.
this is not a suicide letter, im not planning on killing myself after writing this. just thought i'd say so just in case it seems like one.
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from Mental Health https://ift.tt/2k1g2tM
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