Tl;dr: I guess my question boils down to, how do I rebuild my motivation and desire to see this 50 pound fat loss journey through to the end when I've been spinning my wheels and getting further and further away from my goal body fat % for the past 5+ years? How do I stay on the path emotionally and psychologically? How do I resist the urge for instant gratification?
I can't count how many times in the past 5+ years (ages 22 to 28) I've started and stopped an attempt at fat loss. In that time, as a 5'11 male I've slowly climbed from 190 to 245 pounds, and a 34 inch waist became a 42. Granted, a fair bit of that weight was muscle gain as I got more into powerlifting (my chest, back, arms, legs, and shoulders all got substantially stronger and more muscular), but the majority was obviously not. I'd go strong for a day, a week, sometimes multiple weeks. Once in 2021, I managed to lose 15 pounds. But I'd always inevitably fall off the wagon. I've gotten increasingly unhappy with my body (especially from a side profile - I look 5 months pregnant and I have a larger than normal ass for a guy), I basically have a slightly more muscular dad bod. And I know this will inevitably turn into health problems in the future (thankfully my blood pressure is still in a healthy range and I haven't had any signs of pre-diabetes, but my visceral fat levels are troubling).
I love food, especially barbecue and Mexican food. I also love good whiskey, and nice desserts. It would probably be accurate to say I've used these as emotional crutches at various points in time as I've gone through periods of significant stress regarding my job (Air Force aviator) and romantic relationships. There have also been many times when I come home mentally drained with no motivation for cooking or working out, and want nothing more than a delicious dinner and a few relaxing and delicious pours of whiskey as I sit and play video games. I have tried meal prepping and meal kit delivery services (much of which was pretty tasty and healthy), I purchased frozen meals from Cook Unity for a few months, but I would inevitably get bored with all of those and want something tastier and fresher.
It's gotten to the point where I've tried and failed so many times, and gotten further and further away from my goal at the same time, that I feel really discouraged and unmotivated. Especially for the past few months as I've been in and out of this weird existential depression state (it could be my OCD-driven anxiety acting up again; unsure what exactly is driving it). I know this is exactly the wrong time to fall off the wagon again but my motivation is so low.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. Maybe I need the help of a sport psychologist or something? I definitely don't want pharmaceutical help if I can avoid it. I know the how and I have the why for these goals, I just can't seem to make myself stick to the plan.
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