I was watching a video about female inattentive ADHD just now, and some things clicked for me in a different way than I've considered them before.
To be fair, I have not been diagnosed with ADHD. As a lady in my mid thirties, a lot of the symptoms and struggles associated with the diagnosis describe what I've been dealing with about as long as I can remember. My parents never had me tested- a lot of parents thought it was overdiagnosed at that time, and I wasn't hyperactive. So I just got to think I was dumb for a long time I guess.
I have struggled with my weight since high school. I remember struggling with food since I was much younger, stealing candy from our snack jar and eating way too much at meals. I remember going to a friend's house and was blown away at the idea of having her own snack stash. I wouldn't have been able to have a stash because I would have devoured it immediately. I still struggle with it today, I am always thinking about snacks and what to have for the next meal. It's incredibly frustrating, especially since I've been trying to get back into controlling my weight for the last few years.
I lost a lot of weight at the end of 2018 when I found this subreddit. I was at my highest weight and fed up with not knowing what to do about it, and got through the first couple of weeks through spite and determination. For the first time I could see real progress. I was able to sustain that loss for months, passing each goal until I seemed to get stuck at what was a very reasonable ~140 lbs. I maintained that weight for a year, then ✨2020✨ happened.
It was fine for anther year, I was doing a lot of cycling and other physical activities, and managing my calorie intake wasnt too different than before. As time went by and some difficult things happened, I lost a lot of those good habits and fell back on some bad ones, namely emotional eating.
So to go back to the video I watched, I've reconsidered some of my framing of the last several years after my weight loss. I've become more acutely aware of how many of my hobbies might be straight up hyperfixations. Cycling was a big one for a couple years after my weight loss, I kept finding new ways to make it interesting and sustain it, until I found roller skating. Then I had to take a break for a while and became absolutely consumed with knitting and spinning. Theres a lot of smaller ones that I won't go into, it's not really the point.
I've been frustrated with getting back into weight loss for the past couple years. I know all the things, how to use a scale and track calories. I can make food that will work with a calorie restricted diet. I have a variety of activities and tools for exercise to supplement with. I've done it before with great success! I just can't seem to do it again.
I think what got me through before (beyond the spite phase) was a kind of fixation all on its own. I loved tracking my process, it was like magic and it was working so well. But I can't seem to match that same excitement to do it again. It feels like a chore, and not even remembering how much better it felt to have clothes that fit well and just feeling better overall seems to be enough for me. I know it's just a few months of being on track and how much easier it gets after a couple weeks. Knowing all these things but being somehow unable to do it again feels bonkers, like what's wrong with me??
I don't have any idea how to proceed with this new framing. Maybe I can make myself replicate that early excitement/hyperfixation now that I understand it a little better. Maybe looking up targeted resources will help some. I'm looking at habits that I know are specifically working against me that I can change now, which is a good next step, but it's nothing I haven't done before.
But also I'm hoping to hear from anyone else who's specifically dealt with a similar experience. How has understanding yourself in these ways helped you overcome your own weight loss struggles? Even if your strategies don't end up directy helping with mine, I think there could still be value in sharing them.
I'm sorry this is so long, thank you to anyone who's stuck around until this point 🖤
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