why do i eat when i’m full? why do i binge when i KNOW all i feel afterwards is regret? and why do i binge on healthy food?

i made a simple dinner for myself; a parfait bowl. but lately, those have induced peanut butter and cereal binges and i don’t know why! is it because i don’t find yogurt bowls satisfying enough? i had probably 5 heaping tablespoons of cereal and granola and cookies afterwards. and i’m so full right now. honestly, if i wasn’t doing intermittent fasting, i likely would’ve been a lot less full. but i hate feeling full. it’s a shitty feeling, i just want to barf and start over. i literally skipped a family thing with pizza and nachos so i could diet in piece, yet here i am gorging nutrient dense yet calorie heavy foods. i’m so upset and angry at myself. i can list several things that went wrong today:

not filling up my water bottle aka not drinking enough water

not having common sense and instead resorting to asshole food portions

not even attempting to stick to the plan and work out

being an idiot

i’m sad and it’s my fault and i pray tomorrow i wake up with a relatively flat stomach because right now i feel quite large :,)

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