Sorry for the melodramatic title. I have so much to be thankful for in my life but at the same time, sometimes I feel like giving up altogether but I want to be there for my infant daughter.
I'm a 26-year-old guy and at 18 I began binge eating. My mother got diagnosed with cancer and a year later my best friend did too. Long story short, I stayed close to them on their journey through illness but they both passed away. My mother died 3 years ago and my best friend died 3 months ago. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just feel the need to give context.
Through the anticipatory grief and then the grief following their deaths, my diet has been awful. For instance, since the pandemic started I gained 20lbs, lost 40 lbs and now I've gained 20lbs. The strange thing is the highest BMI I've ever had is 30, just about obese. Now I'm at 26.3. When I put my mind to it I've great will-power and routine but I always keep going back to my old ways because I suffer terribly from binge eating disorder. This is why I'm not currently obese, because I'm always yoyo-dieting. Right now I'm eating about 5000 calories a day. Sometimes the despair from the last few years leaves me questioning why should I bother?
Underneath it all though I'm a very positive person and I don't want to ruin my life or my child's through my self-destructive habits. I want to fight this and I'm taking the first steps. I've organised to start therapy in January, I've just downloaded 4 audiobooks to help with my struggle and I'm plotting out a new schedule and diet. I just really need some friends who are going through the same health & diet improvements. My best friend was always there to encourage and listen to me until the very end. He told me numerous times not to throw my health away because it's so precious. Without him, I don't really have any person in my life who truly cares.
So, I decided to make this throw-away and make a new Instagram account where I can upload progress photos and bullshit comments beneath them about how my diet, thoughts, week, and overall progress is going. I'm not going to show my face as I'm embarrassed even writing this but I'm going to upload progress pictures no matter how disgusting or ashamed I feel about the week I had or about how my body looks. I want to start facing up to my decisions and taking control of my life for the better.
If any of you have an Instagram and are on a weightloss journey, please DM me and I'll add you. I just wan't to be part of a positive community and see other people who are going through something similar. I feel like it would inspire me and I miss the feeling of having understanding friends. Thanks so much for reading guys.
PS: My username is a reference to Arrested Development. Just thought I should point that out in case I seemed like a creep lol.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/36FgsOB
No comments:
Post a Comment