This year has been shit! Well I wrote off 2020 (before it even began!) with the last few months I had of 2019. And it just got worse.
And now for the first time in months I stepped on the scales. 105kg. In 2016 when I first started my journey I was 108kg. I'd gotten down to 75kg. I'm so ashamed of and disappointed in myself.
It all really came undone in the last 6 months. I tried to keep it up through lockdown but being home everyday wore me down both mentally and physically. I dropped so low that I got on medication for my depression and then it snowballed from there and I ate and ate and ate knowing what I was doing but the medication was messing with my body and I couldn't get out and about. Then I got an autism diagnosis and I lost a lot of hope. The year got worse. I knew I'd have to face myself eventually but was in some denial.
Now with things opening up here I have face it because none of my clothes fit. Going for a short walk is difficult. My back is sore, my hip constantly hurts and my knee isn't doing so well. I miss the strong, confident woman I was.
So I cried. Then resolved that I've done it before, I'll do it again. So I did my first workout in a long time. I'm proud of myself. I will get my mental and physical health in check so I can live a life that I am proud of.
I just wanted to share this somewhere, as I know I can hold myself a bit more accountable to it.
Be kind to yourselves, we all got this!
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