A bit of backstory: I used to be around 170lbs (5'11" male) when i graduated high school, and throughout college, the weight has kinda crept up on me, until I hit my all-time high this month of 215lbs, the week of my college graduation. I've struggled with bulimia and body image issues since my freshman year of college, a fact that absolutely no one knows, not a single friend or family member. I'm six months clean of a binge-purge event this week, something I never saw coming considering I binged and purged nearly every single day for four years. I kinda celebrated by myself by treating myself to a nice stack of books from my library's used book sale.
Last night at the dinner table, my dad brought up my new gym membership. He asked, "So what did you end up doing at the gym today? Anything productive?" I answered that I actually had, the Stairmaster and the erg/rowing machine gave me this awesome burn that I actually really loved.
He responded very matter-of-factly and casually, saying, "Yeah, well nobody wants to go to a fat doctor (my future profession). All the doctors I've seen are pretty well-kept, you know? They usually have some kind of muscle and are pretty fit. Nobody wants to go to a fat slob of a doctor, you know? No patient would ever take you seriously the way you look right now."
I was at a loss for words. I've never had *anyone* speak to me like that before, let alone have it be my own father. He doesn't think about what he says or how it affects other people at all, which has kinda been a consistent problem in his marriage to my mom and in almost all of his personal relationships, too.
I've grown a thick skin from my childhood (being gay will do that to you) but I think I'm gonna remember those words till the day I die. Not because of how much they hurt, which they really, really fucking did. But I'll remember them because they're gonna be the flag posts that mark the start of my journey into being a better, healthier, more active, and hopefully more attractive individual, and it has NOTHING to do with what my father said to me. I got on this little journey way before he called me a "fat slob", I'm not going to lose weight to satisfy him, nor am I going to stay where I am and risk my health in the future just to spite him. I'm going to lose weight, do it right, and all for me.
Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble, but I'm feeling really emotional tonight, and I really can't wait to take it all out on the leg press tomorrow morning.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2MBcaRw
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