This is my first post on Reddit. I’m a 26 year old female. I’ve always been a little overweight, but never the way I am now. I’m 5’1/ 156 cm and 80 kg/ 176 lbs. a year and a half ago I attempted suicide (at the time I was 65kg/143 lbs), I survived and I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was put on a medication that finally stabilized me. I tried medication before my bipolar diagnosis but nothing worked like this. For the past year and a half I’ve been stable and my 24/7 suicidal thoughts and depression vanished. I can finally experience happiness again after a few years of complete darkness. The thing is I gained 15 kgs in literally 2 months after starting the medication, on top of the excess weight I already had.
So the past year I’ve been really trying to lose weight and it’s been occupying so much of my mind and time. I keep failing, every. single. time. I can’t wear what I want. Even if I found the piece in my size it looks absolutely hideous. My naked body looks horrifying. I’m so exhausted with my weight and it’s even ruining my social and love life, my self-esteem is gone.
Right now when I get too frustrated, like when I’ve been eating properly or dieting for couple of days then binge the next day, I get these temporary suicidal thought.. because what’s the point? The pain and shame is too much. What’s the point of living life if I’m not happy with myself?
I couldn’t find a therapist that specializes in food addiction or food disorders in my town and I honestly doubt it’d help much because I read a lot of self-help articles about food addiction and it hasn’t been helping. And I also can’t afford to switch medication or experiment with other medication, it might cause me my life. Yes I still get temporary suicidal thoughts, specially when things like my weight frustrate me, but before medication I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks and I was suicidal literally 24/7. Right now I’m considered very stable compared to before.
Does anyone have any tips? I’ve been trying to drink a lot of water and black coffee. Tried scheduling my meals. But I always cave in. The feeling I get before and during eating I assume is equivalent to what drug addicts feel. Have anyone tried appetite suppressing pills before? (I will research whether they’re compatible with my medication). Any tips or advice will be really appreciated. I’ve been trying for months and I keep failing.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2X3cYPH
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