I’ve always had issues with my body image, and every since elementary school I’ve always felt like the chubby friend. Looking back at pictures, I was dead wrong.
I also know from weighing myself at the time that I had a healthy weight, but I had people in my life who influenced me poorly. For instance, in my sports team there was always a certain competition to be as tiny as possible, and I wasn’t happy with it. What didn’t help at all, was that the coaches hired professional nutritionists to talk to us about healthy eating choices, and they focused heavily on what foods contained which amount of calories.
All of this lead me to struggle with counting calories through all my teenage years. I was never underweight, but I never had a healthy relationship with food. I felt that if I ate as little as possible, I had done a good job! I was strong and I didn’t need food to be happy, etc. A lot of the true stuff mixed in with a seriously distorted body image.
Well, I managed to eat out of that. My relationship with food isn’t great, but it’s what I would consider to be healthy. However, lately I’ve been gaining a lot of weight due to stress and poor dietary choices. I want to lose that weight. I’ve been trying for about six months now.
The problem is, when i start counting calories, I always end up in the mindset of ‘the fewer, the better’, to the point where I won’t eat for an entire day, then have some broccoli in the evening and log it as 500 kcals just to be safe. Then be ashamed of myself for not managing to stay under 500 kcals (even though 1300 is my actual daily calorie goal). So then, after a few weeks of this behaviour, I either snap and binge, or I realise hat holy shit, this isn’t healthy, and I stop counting altogether.
I haven’t lost any weight. I want to lose it, but I don’t want to spiral down into an eating disorder/the very unhealthy relationship I had with food. Any tips with how to deal with this? Any other strategies of keeping calories down without focusing on them too much? Anything is appreciated, really.
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