I’ll start with the positives:
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Honestly, I’m proud of myself. What sparked motivation for me to run was how awful I felt. I’d get up at noon, spend all day playing video games and all my days were blurred together. But recently I’ve been getting up between 6-8 AM and going for a run at 9. Fuck yeah.
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I actually don’t hate it! Growing up, whenever we had a running day in PE, I dreaded it. I don’t know why I randomly decided running should be my exercise of choice, but hey I like it!
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My mood overall has been better! Especially right after I get home from my runs and shower, it’s an awesome feeling.
Now, the negatives:
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I’ve been going on an emotional rollercoaster. I ran yesterday, went to work, and just came home and balled my eyes out because I was having a manic negative self image episode. I think it was simply because I was exhausted, but I still kinda feel it today. I’ve always kinda had a negative self image, and I started running to try and better myself, to start feeling good about myself. I’m hoping this will get better, but I feel so shitty for only being on day 3 and already having a difficult time. Merp.
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Because of my problem with negative self image, I’ve been weighing myself the past couple days and I’ve gained a couple pounds according to the scale. I know I should probably give it time, but I’m just so obsessive with everything that I do and overthink everything, so I get all worked up and that’s actually why I’m here typing everything out to you guys now. I realize I overthink everything, but I can’t help it. Fuck.
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Food. I am familiar with the saying “you can’t outrun your fork”, and I’ve been trying to be more conscious of what I’m eating. I eat a banana before my run and some nuts/fruit/ or a granola bar after my run. The problem is dinner time. After I get off work, I just want to gorge myself because guess what, I’m an ~emotional eater~. I’m trying to gradually start eating healthier and healthier, but I know this will probably be the most challenging thing.
Alright, now that I’ve vented lol, I would love some feedback from you lovely people. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!
Just if anyone wants to know: I am a 5’2, 21 year old female, currently at 157 lbs.
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