I’m starting to like what I see. This is a first for me throughout my whole entire life. I’m still trying to understand it. I’ve been steady at 180 for a few months now. I thought that I might have to get down to 170, but even though I haven’t dropped anymore weight, my body composition has visibly changed a lot. I’ve lost a lot of fat and I’ve gained a lot of muscle from working out. You can see the muscle in my arms and in my chest, even when I’m not flexing. I seriously can’t believe it. I feel so much stronger too. I never thought I’d make it this far. I never even knew I could look like this. I’ve still got a bit of fat to lose in my stomach and chest. But overall I actually look... healthy. I feel much healthier physically too.
This hasn’t just been a journey about my weight, but also about my appearance and my confidence as well. I still have severe confidence and self-esteem issues that I need to sort out, but this is one less thing to worry about. No my body isn’t perfect, yes I have a bit of loose skin, but it was worth it. I rarely feel proud about things, but I feel proud about this. I feel like I proved that I can do something, especially to people who ever doubted me or made fun of my weight. People didn’t know I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, and used food as a coping mechanism. I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to my body at the time. Once I did realize, I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t do it for them though.
I actually maintain my appearance now. I’ve always wanted to maintain my appearance better and sort of find my style. The reason I didn’t was because I felt like no matter what I did, I wouldn’t look any better. I felt like people would just think it’s weird that I’m even trying. This started to give me the confidence I needed to be able to express myself like other young men my age, haha. I bought some new clothes a little white ago. I’ve changed my hairstyle a bit and style my facial hair. I’ve started wearing light scents. I’ve always taken good care of my teeth, but I’ve even started flossing, lol. I’ll probably also buy some more clothes and maybe some nice shoes soon.
I feel like when it comes to being comfortable expressing yourself, I’m still behind pretty much any other guy my age. Everyone needs a bit of an ego, haha. But I’m getting there. This was a huge part of why I felt so insecure and uncomfortable about anything related to my appearance for so long, and didn’t develop to express myself throughout my teenage years like everyone else did. It was such a burden to me. I didn’t know how to make it stop.
I’m just glad I did this, for myself.
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