Note I am not trying to attack anyone with this post. I hope it does not come across this way.
A year and a half ago I lost 40lbs, with the excitement of a wedding that was held abroad I was going to attend. I got to the wedding without any clothes that fit me properly, because I lost more than expected. All the compliments from family and friends, and for the first time in my life, being flirted with. It was phenomenal and I owed it all to the motivation for that wedding.
As of right now, I've gained back 35lbs. I'm a sufferer of ADHD and OCD. What a fun mix. I have no concentration, expect for the awful thoughts I have. Recently has been bad, and also the time I've gained back most of the weight. I am a natural optimist so I keep my own spirits up but I've had to accept something. That wedding was great motivation - it was! But it was also before I had a pretty bad breakdown and fell back into a dip of mental health that I haven't been too for a long time.
Now, I'm better again. Better medication. Even have an incredible job lined up in a few months in a new city, and yet no matter what I try to use as motivation it doesn't work. The 'thrill' of it has gone. For awhile I almost turned back to how I used to think - "Maybe I'm just BORN to be fat". That's when I came to realise:
I am lazy. Sure I have those disorders, but in reality it's no excuse. My ADHD does not make me eat a tonne of cookie dough. My OCD doesn't make me order a huge amount of takeaway food when I've already ate enough that day. It's the fact that I have no discipline. When my stomach rumbles, I jump to stop it. When I don't have too. I never realised it, but my stomach isn't in charge of me. I come from a family of big eaters, but worse, emotional eaters. I developed the same coping mechanism, but this isn't just emotion, it's boredom, it's laziness, and it's lack of the ability to say no to a 'treat'.
I'm in bed with food poisoning right now. I ate somewhere over 3000 calories yesterday, so I'm not surprised something was under-cooked or a bit out of date. All I've had this morning is a piece of toast with a little bit of jam, as it was the most I felt like I could deal with to line my stomach. This will be the kick up the arse I needed. A gross, sickly smack across the face that I've never been able to give myself, because comfortable and fat was easier than comfortable and thin.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2U7zlW5
No comments:
Post a Comment