A few years ago I changed my life and it was beyond an incredible experience. I lost 115 lbs, took up running (never in a million years would I have guessed that I would become a half marathon runner), became insanely strong, and actually LOVED what I saw in the mirror. I was addicted to pushing myself. I swore I would never let myself get back to the 300 lb+ place where I started from, yet, here I am. The decline started slowly, then sped up at a scary rate despite efforts to stop/slow it. Life changed, I did't have the work schedule that made it so easy to workout twice a day, I got a desk job, and for once I was truly HAPPY in a relationship and felt comfortable in my own skin. I no longer experienced the urge to deal with frustration/anger/sadness by physically wearing myself out.
Fast forward to buying a house together in a new place, new job, new dog <3, remodeling house, and getting married... working out twice a day and being militant about my diet was long out the window. The funny thing is, I'm happier now than when I was thin. Happiness is not a dress size. But, I miss the strong me SO much. I miss running, going to bed physically exhausted, setting goals and crushing them. I've tried to make changes to at least not be as heavy as I am now, but it hasn't worked (I'm fighting genetics more than poor habits). It's all or nothing with my body. I've been heavy my entire life, and honestly I carry the weight well and it has never slowed me down, but I want to be the best version of myself. I got our wedding photos back and I cringed the whole time browsing them. I'm mad at myself for ruining them. There is no re-do, I have fat wedding photos and I have to live with that.
I'm a little scared to start over, but I know if I stick to it it will all come back to me. It should be easier the second time around. I feel like if I put it in words it will make it a little more official. This weekend I join another gym and do some meal prep. It's time, people. This is an awesome sub and I look forward to setting my first flair (doesn't that always feel awesome when you get to update?). If you read my rant, thank you. Just a little word vomit to start my day and prepare myself for what's to come.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2tacxG5
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