Hey there, first things first:
I am from germany, so my english might not be the best, please don't mind my spelling and grammar mistakes.
So as the title already told you, I am currently working on turning "it" around. But what is "it" exactly?
Well first off my weight. My scale at home only goes to 183kg (400 pounds?). It shows me Error. Yeah im too fat for the heavyweight scale.
Secondly, I am terribly insecure, experienced bullying, got depressed. Hid away for the last 3-4 years.
Got even fatter than I was before.
So as you can see, I have some problems, at times too many to do anything at all and just wasted all my time on the computer and on the worst days I even thought about ending it all. But well, I wouldn't be writing this if i had given up back then. In April 2017 my meds finaly started to fit me, my depression was getting more and more managable. Still I was spending most of my time at home. It took another year till it finaly came to my mind that this is not what life is supposed to be.
I wanted to go play soccer with my friends, I want to learn and play Volleyball at sometime in my life. Hell I even want to ride a mountainbike downhill and hopefully survive. But this wasn't possible as long as i wouldnt change.
In 2018 i finaly decided to stop going to university, and applyed for an apprenticeship at different places. And starting in september 2019 i will start learning at the "Deutsche Bahn". But at my current weight I felt like this would be too much for me. But giving up wasn't an option.
So in October last year i started going to the gym again, the beginning was much easier than expected but soon I lost my motivation. Starting wasn't the hard part for me, it kinda never was, keep on doing it even in times of struggle was the hardest. But i fucked up back then. I maybe went once or twice in a week, my diet wasn't good aswell. As you might already know, i didnt realy do any progress weight wise. I got a little bit more fit than before but thats all.
The Plan
So finaly we hit 2019. I have 8 full months to kinda get in shape. My goal was 150kg. That meant atleast 33kg, probably around 45kgs. Wow thats a lot, can I do that? This seems impossible. But instead of thinking like this and giving up before i even started, i calculated it, 45kg / 8months is only around 5.5kgs per month. Man that looks much more do-able. So 5.5kg/4 = 1,125 Kg per week? Wow thats not much at all! And suddenly the 45kg didn't look overwhelming anymore, but instead I realy had to slow down myself because i started thinking "Why not 2kg a week?"
The food
Well eating is the biggest struggle in my life. I think when i wasn't tracking my intake it would easily be in the 4500's. Sitting around all day and eating that much? Ofc one gets fatter. To get to my weight goal and looked for my daily kcal consumption on different pages in the internet. There were many numbers between 3000 and 4500.
So I started with eating 1600kcal a day, not 2 weeks in i started cheating myself. Eating stuff I didnt track. Eating a whole fucking lot too much because I lost complete selfcontrol. I was hungry the whole time. It was a disaster. I, again, almost gave up. I dont know why I didnt, what kept me going this time, but i changed things up. I increased my daily kcal intake to 2000 and i still would be in big deficit (so i think atleast). But it was much more manageable, the binge eating was gone, i wasnt hungry all the time and over all felt alot better.
The Gym
Beginning January I started looking for some training plan, found one that i wanted to try. I like to lift heavy weights, I am not realy made for cardio so i concentrated on things i liked. I went 3-4 times a week, making progress in the weights i lifted. It felt awesome. In February i changed my plan, since the old one didnt "exhaust" me, and I often felt like I had bunch of energy left. I started going 5 times the week. Theres nothing much to say here.
My Non-Scale-Victories
So this is whats going on right now for me. Even though my scale still says error, it dosnt do those nasty cracking sounds when i step on it. My clothes started to get looser again. I have a whole lot more energy than i did before. Man even my selfesteem is going up! Yesterday, for the first time in my life, i asked a girl from my gym out, didnt work out but who fucking cares.
I wanted to share this with you guys because today my depression got me feeling fucking bad. I wanted to show some of you that even if the odds are against you and a whole lot of things go bad you can do what ever you want and achieve your goals.
Also i wanted to share a picture i took at the beginning of this year. The starting picture of my long journey ahead. I will keep you updated with future progress pictures.
Keep your heads up!
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