I'm 17 and I've been trying to lose weight for many years. I gained 30-40lbs in the last 4 years alone and despite a continued effort to lose weight, I've only put on weight.
Now my brother has never been fat. I don't think anyone in my family has ever been overweight, except me, of course. Since young I've always loved eating and would constantly snack. Things didn't get better as I grew up. Even when I was of an acceptable weight, I was still chubbier than average with noticeable fats on my body. About 2-3 years ago, though trying very hard to slim down, I crossed over to being officially overweight.
When we have snacks in the house, I can't help but binge on them. One or two is barely enough most of the time. I could easily finish a whole container of food in one sitting, and my family knows that. They know how little self control I have and how hard I've been trying to lose weight, but it's not like they care about my feelings.
My brother likes to make jokes about my weight at my expense and fat shames me constantly. If my mother makes a remark about me being hungry or if she buys me food, he'll say something along the lines of "she's never hungry, she always eats" or "she doesn't need to eat for at least a year, she has enough fat reserves". Or if I get offered food (even if I decline), he'll make some snarky remark regarding my weight.
My failed attempts at losing weight are just fuel for him. I keep trying and trying and ultimately relapsing into my binging and it's a joke to him. Recently, we had some cookies on the table and on the first day I ate quite a few (mainly cuz he stole my lunch and I was hungry). Now, even though I only ate two or three per day, he made a huge deal out of the empty containers like I was the one who ate them all even though I didn't. When my parents buy snacks home, he likes making comments on how the snacks will only last a day with me in the house.
He's thin and fit, he's never experienced what I have. He doesn't know what it's like to fight an eating disorder while trying to lose weight. I'm pretty sure he thinks eating disorders are a joke anyway. We've never been particularly close. In fact, he's more like a stranger or a school bully. We never talk when we don't have to, and he inserts his remarks about me into conversations with my parents when he knows I'm listening. When we were younger he used to beat me up knowing I didn't know how to defend myself. When he makes those remarks about me, as much as I want to respond and fight back, there's nothing I can do given how cunning and vile he is. He'd find some way to hurt or humiliate me and I don't want to risk that. I just have to endure and take all the insults he throws my way. I so badly want to beat him back or exact some kind of revenge. But I can't.
My parents aren't exactly helpful. My mother calls me a fat pig and compares my size to others, obviously all thinner. Then she yells at me if I don't eat a lot of food. My father shames me if I eat what he considers to be too much and also remarks on my fats. Honestly I just wish all of them would shut up sometimes.
When I was younger, I looked up to him so much, given how he was older and so much cooler in my eyes. Of course, he never felt the same sibling love I did and has always been an ass. Now that I'm so much fatter, it's easier for him to hurt me emotionally. It's hard to get away from him or cut him off like you could with a toxic friend since we live under the same roof after all. I'm forced to see his face everyday whether I like it or not.
I know I should just ignore it, but it's so much easier said then done. His insults should anger me into working harder to lose weight so as to prove him wrong, but really, it just triggers a feeling in me to start binging again. Because I always end up failing, no matter what I tell myself.
I'm going to keep trying to lose weight. I recently started again and it hasn't been going that well, but I haven't had a major binge in a while which is progress I guess. Just needed to rant a little.
TLDR: brother constantly mocks me for being fat and always failing to lose weight
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2HTE6hh
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