Long story short, over the past ten years I've gone from 465 to 263 lbs (lost the first hundred really fast when I entered college and then maintained for a long time, then lost the next 100 over a few years between career and family life events). Last June was my lowest weight since childhood at 263.2, but from June to November I fluctuated between that and all the way up to 280. It was a bummer but my life was incredibly stressful, so I was having a harder time staying on top of it. Plus I really needed to adjust my daily allotment of calories because I was at 1800, but that started at 350lbs and I think I was getting to a weight that I needed to adjust down a little, and I wasn't doing it.
Finally, just as I was down on myself for over eating at Thanksgiving I said "fuck this, I'm done!" I adjusted my calories, somehow found my love lost self control and avoided the constant treats around me and kept myself from overeating all the freaking time and was actually getting back down to 263 and on my way to my goal (200).
Then another major life stressor happened last week and I've been on the brink of depression ever since and back to constantly eating. I cannot stop myself even though I'm incredibly sick to my stomach always from overeating. Food taste so good and it's the only thing giving me the smallest but if joy right now, so I eat and eat and eat and eat and feel sick and hate myself the entire time!
What the actual fuck is wrong with me? How was I doing so good (like the best self control around food I've EVER had in my life! Walking away from cake and donuts and extra helpings of pizza or enchiladas) merely a week ago and then suddenly it all goes out the window again. How can I get that back again? How can I stop myself from hurting me? As I write this my stomach hurts so bad from eating cookies in the break room, but there's still cookies in there and they were so good, I could go get more...
Please help.
I have a therapist but I can only afford to see her twice a month and our next appointment isn't until January. We haven't really talked about my food issues either, since it's a new situation stemming from said stressful life events.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2EKhk9b
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