I can't accept myself and I think I overeat on purpose to punish myself

This year I have turned a lot around. I lost 7kg, I overcame extreme depression & stress, I got through a heartbreaking separation, I have been accepted to a Masters degree, I am doing great at work, and I am the fittest I have ever been; I train everyday.

I still don't like my body. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hit my goal weight; I still have work to do but I keep bingeing and it is causing me to maintain over the last 6 months. Now I am super anxious because:

a) Xmas is coming up which means beach days combined with lots of food

b) a stupid boy that I like is talking to me and I feel too fat to be good enough and fear rejection (even though he's seen me naked go figure).

What I really want is to love myself unconditionally, and I want accept that others to love me for exactly who I am at any given time. But I can't. I've had a lot of social events lately with food and booze and the guilt I feel after not being on plan is horrendous. But even when I do have control, every night after dinner I overeat. Not by a lot, but enough to keep me in maintenance.

I don't feel good enough and I'm self sabotaging. How do I break this cycle?

Thanks for the support in advance xx

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