I've been struggling with my weight for a long while. I've always been quite chubby and despite some half-assed attempts in my teens I only began to seriously look into dieting once I hit the age of 20.
I became very skinny, yet did not look healthy nor aesthetically pleasing. At the time my actions seemed like a good idea but in hindsight I recognize I had anorexia. Eating disorders and stress did their thing, I snapped and gained it all back.
Since then I've been trying to get fit the right way. Not starving myself, eating enough protein, working out with weights, some cardio, and respecting the importance of rest. However, I'm noticing a mental block or something of the like that's been holding me back.
Every time I begin noticing significant positive changes in my body I panic internally. It feels like excitement at first, but I think there's more to it than that simply because of how standard it's become for me to mess up soon after.
I skip a day of exercise, then binge in the evening, sleep in the following day, feel atrocious and thus skip another workout session, feel doubly bad about it and self-soothe with more food, and so this cycle unfolds once more until the point where the progress I made is lost. Rinse & repeat.
I'm frustrated with myself for obvious reasons, but overcoming these damaging behaviors has been proving to be hard. I've been introspecting a lot but haven't figured out a particularly good explanation as to why this is happening. Maybe I'm afraid of becoming attractive? I don't know. Does anybody else struggle with similar problems? Any advice to share?
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