Difficulty with body dysmorphia

My apologies if this has been discussed recently, I couldn't find any post similar, and I expect my post formatting to suck lol.

I don't know how much I have lost, I don't have access to a 'good' scale, rough guess is around 50lbs... and I hate going to my DR. office lol. I started out after my last terrible doctor visit in July 2016, weighed in 294, and prediabetic.

Over the course of a year, I pared down my animal products intake to none and more veggies and moving about more - walks, finding purposes for being active. By my visit in 2017, I was 20 pounds down and told I was the healthiest person that would be in his office all day, no longer prediabetic and would no longer be considered at risk, etc. My doctor quit the clinic I attend, and I dislike the physician who took over his slot.

I have been continuing my journey through 'fixing' my habits, and though I don't know numbers, I can fit in XLs and some L now, and 18w pants are uncomfortably loose. But. I don't see it. I look the same to me, at least close enough. I went to the missy and teeny bopper section of the clothing at the grocery/department store I work at, and tried on XL and L clearance, only put back 4 things that were unflattering. I am so, emotionally uncomfortable? I haven't been in XL clothes since I was in my early teens (puberty hit like a brick wall). It's confusing to me because other people can see it, and apparently it's great. I wish I could too.

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