I flew out of state on a plane and I didn't have to worry whether I would fit in a seat. No one looked at me that way, that put-upon way, that way I'm so used to seeing, of "why are you sitting me there? can I move?" way. My thighs, still not slender (and they probably never will be) managed to stay away from impinging on everyone else's space.
It's hard to describe this triumph. I'm losing weight for myself. I want to be fitter. I want to achieve things that a thinner body will allow me to do, not the least of which is to sit without squishy bits making me uncomfortable. But there's always a notion not just of how others view me but also how my size affects those I'm with. I walk slower. I sit wider. I can't carry as much. I'm the one who lags and drags. And while I may never be super fit and take lead, the fact that I can board a plane with confidence and own my seat without shame feels like something I never want to go back from.
My arm-rests lowered completely. And when there was a person of size sitting next to me, I enjoyed that person and knew from experience not to engage with the weight. So I got squished a bit. Big deal. I've been there. I was able to treat him like I wanted to be treated.
Of course, throughout my trip, people urged me to carpe my diem and indulge. I did not. I worked for this loss. I earned this loss. And I'm not going to throw it into turmoil (which I often do from my own issues of stress and frustration) because someone tells me that I should relax and celebrate. Not only did I eat salads, I ate romaine lettuce as an act of intimidation. I romained at them. I showed that I owned my diet. And yeah, really hoping the whole e coli thing doesn't come into play, but the romaine was what I needed at the time and it was a statement about owning what I eat. So there.
Today, back at home I hopped back onto my Wii balance board and I'm now 2 pounds down over the last few weeks. So it worked. And not only that, I'm only 7 pounds away from "overweight". I can't wait for the day when that obnoxious little animated scale stops its squeaky "that's obese" spiel and starts getting on my case for "that's overweight, you tub of lard". It will be a major improvement.
The fact that I feel obliged to impress a stupid animated computer application probably says more about me than it should but when I get that "overweight", I tell you I'm celebrating. More than getting my golden piggy and more than reaching Onederland. I will say snide things about my Wii all the while secretly happy that it praised and approved of me. Or at least downgraded the insult levels.
I'm not sure what kind of sadistic dev team put Wii Fit together. It's not a very encouraging program. It nags you when you go away for a while. It judges you with all the judgy judging. And yet I go back again and again because I know that at some point I will power past "that's obese" and then I will have won.
I'm figuring no more than about 3 months more to get that last 7 pounds.
After that I'll complain about the next level. And probably about Wii Fit's unreasonable "goal weights" for my height. But I will have my secret victory, over the balance board, over my Wii Fit Piggy Bank, and over those horrible psychopaths at Nintendo.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2RzxGnS
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