Weight has always been a touchy issue with me. For the longest time (probably since 5th grade) I always thought I was fat. I never was, but thanks to a certain step-father I always had this idea in my head that I was fat. So naturally when middle school came around, I joined the wrestling team, and the track team, thus beginning my athletic career. I was a decent athlete, not Michael Phelps, but decent. Yet still, even after two years in high intensity sports I still saw a fat kid in the mirror (In all reality I was the lankiest, skinny kid imaginable.)
Next came high school, where I dropped wrestling and picked up football (I stayed with track though). I spent most of my free time for the next 4 years. Here is where my psyche changed. I went from thinking I was too fat, to thinking I was too skinny, and started choking down as much food as I could without throwing up. I was a line backer, and the number 225 was always used as my goal weight. And I busted ass for it. This was 3 bowls of cereal every morning, chicken sandwiches with fries for lunch, and some monstrous amount of fast food for dinner. I distinctly remember asking for a Triple Baconator meal at Wendys (Large with a frosty of course). Yet damned as I was with my family genetics, I could never beat 185.
Then football was over. There was no real reason for me to keep going to the gym after school 4 days a week. I didnt need to run sprints until my callouses developed callouses on my hands. I didnt need to exercise. I recognized this the day after my last game as I turned in my jersey; yet I didnt acknowledge that my diet needed to change too. At the end of my senior year I noticed I was more out of breath than usual "Surely" I thought to myself "I am only out of condition, I just need to get back into routine. Thats when I started crossfit, 3 days a week, still no change in my diet.
I started paying more attention to my weight again, and I was amazed at how quickly I got up to 225. I was ecstatic. It didnt even occur to me to wonder why I gained it so easily doing less work than before. I was convinced crossfit was the way to go for me, got a full time membership and went every day of the week. Then my weight dropped. "How could this happen?" I asked myself. Completely oblivious to the irony of it all, I decided to eat more than I ever did at football. And the number on the scale went back up. 225.
But college was expensive, and I couldn't keep my membership anymore, but I was satisfied with the number that the scale gave me. So much so that it warped what I saw in the mirror. The summer went by, and I started my 2nd year at a new University, away from home. Thats when I started to see myself, for what seems like the first time, in the mirror. "Its just a bit of stress" I remember saying to myself. "It will melt off once I get settled." Well, as it turns out, thats not how fat works. I continued to weigh myself, and to my delight, the number was going down, but the mirror wasnt getting any prettier. I cant be fat, hell I was down to 195.
Then, towards the end of my first semester, I got slapped in the face by reality. It happened in the gym, funny enough. A few friends wanted to go workout with the free weights, but didnt know how. Myself being familiar with them from football volunteered my help. But strangely enough, I couldnt do a fraction of what I used to be able to. It was like all of my muscle had atrophied. Thats when I realized the number wasnt going down because I was losing fat, I was losing muscle. I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months. 235.
A familiar face appeared in the mirror that night. The fat guy I saw in middle school, except this time, he was real. I thought I had will power. "Ill just eat healthier" But having an all you can eat buffet of pizza, chocolate milk, and pepsi saw to it that I didnt do that. On top of that, everytime I didnt fail a test, I rewarded myself with ice-cream and weed.
As summer break came upon me in early April (College schedule is strange I know), I was in no better place than when I said I would eat healthier. Finally, I decided I would address the problem. Well, I didnt, my girlfriend did, after I broke down on her about my weight. We did research together, and I learned about CICO, calculated my TDEE, and set a goal weight of 185. With the help of MFP I was able to, for the first time in my life, get a handle on my diet. Fourth of July hit, and I was starting to see the changes in myself. My jaw line was more defined, not much, but it was a start. Then I began to run in the mornings, early enough that nobody else would see me. August was approaching and I had dropped 2 sizes in my waist, and over 30 lbs in 4 months. 200.
Now I am 1 week into my 3rd year at college. I am eating healthier than ever, working out daily, and feeling better than ever. Today wasnt the best day diet wise, but I still came in under my calorie goal. And after dinner I weighed myself in at 184.4 lbs. I couldnt be happier with the progress Ive made. I actually cried today when I saw that number (dont tell my girlfriend). I dont know how to wrap this whole thing up, its been a bit of a rant, but I really needed to get it off my chest. If you made it this far, thank you for reading
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