My wife and I just got back on Loseit after a hiatus of a few years, and I am struggling a bit to not feel like an absolute failure of a person.
The last time I used Loseit seriously, I went from 230 lbs. to about 175 lb. That was way too low (apparently, people were speculating behind my back about whether I was ill), so I eventually gained back up, and hovered at 185-195 for a couple of years. But then work, stress, kids, etc. distracted me, and I started to be a little more lax in my discipline. A pound here, a pound there, and I was up to 210. But I figured, hey, I'm a 6'2" man, in my 30s, and not very active: 210 is reasonable. And it wasn't like I was going to undo everything I'd worked for!
Now, here were are, at the beginning of a new round, and I am up to over 260 lbs., and I am just depressed.
I mean, I knew I'd had to get a bigger wardrobe a few times, and I knew I was more tired, sweating more, hurting my back more, etc. But I told myself it was just a few extra pounds. Skip lunch a few days, and everything would go back to normal. Never underestimate the power of denial...
I didn't weigh in on the first day, since I knew I wasn't going to like what I saw, but pledged I'd get on the scale after I noticed some change in how my clothes fit. But since I felt a belt getting looser this week, I hopped on this morning, and was at 260.5, which means I had to have been even higher when we started up again.
I know Loseit works, and I know I've lost massive weight following it before, but there is something about knowing that I am 30+ lbs. higher than when I thought I was in bad shape several years ago that just feels like a kick in the gut. Like, 230 was a red flag then. What the hell is 260??
I'm not going to get discouraged, but I definitely feel like I've failed myself.
tl;dr - I've been fooling myself about my weight for a LONNNNG time.
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