So I went to a festival for five and a half days last week and I've just gotten back. Everything there was junk and I realised that I wasn't going to be able to stop the nagging of my friends, so I caved in and decided one month after the start of my loseit journey, I would have a day where I eat everything I've been craving. Here's what happened:
I learned that I am always going to be a bit of a foodie, that's a given. I spent half the time there planning what I was going to try, and working it into CICO, so when I gave myself a treat day I started working out what the most calorific foods were so I could fit them all into one day. TRUST ME when I say I went all out - I managed to have fish and chips, pasta bolognese (it was a free meal, I was a volunteer and got free shit), a chocolate crepe, sweets from the sweet shop, general breakfast snacks I bought with me, and a currywurst hot dog - it was a lot, but it didnt feel like a lot as I was up from 8am the Friday morning til 9am the Saturday morning, with maybe a 2 hour nap in between.
This is where I began to evaluate things.
I ate a lot during my time there, and not once did I feel good. For the last month of my journey, I've thought nearly daily "what if i just break it for today? what if I just have a bit of extra food?" and now that I've broken it, I know what it feels like to binge. It's horrible. I remember often using food as a comfort thing, and feeling god shovelling a whole pizza and more into my mouth in one sitting. And now I feel gross, slobbish, pig-like.
I did break my CICO limit again on the Sunday purely through eating my leftover snack food (to make the packing less) and went over by like 300-400 calories on CICO, which is still less than my TDEE, and I didn't feel as bad considering it was semi-healthy food, but it brought back the feelings of Friday-Saturday, and it made me very reflective of my actions.
I got home about an hour ago and had my dinner, and I've just gone and weighed myself because I couldn't stop myself. I put on 6lb in 6 days (but I know its partially wearing clothing and having eaten throughout the day). Seeing the scale go up, whilst inevitable, brings a disappointing feeling knowing that one (or two) days of binging had an effect of that change. I will be weighing in tomorrow morning and the next few mornings after, as I know some of it is extra fluid and salt (so I won't change my flair for a few days).
It's definitely made me more considerate of my binging habits. Today I had a thought of "what if i just eat extra?" and instantly the emotions of the past few days flooding in, and I don't want to feel slobbish. I've learned that no matter how much I want something, the feeling that comes after my binge is negative, and I've learned that the feeling of regret is much much worse than the feeling of hunger. My friends have been trying to push me for extra food trips all week, and I've come away from this learning how to say no - AND STICK TO IT. My friends wanted to buy a whole pizza each, and I knew how shitty I'd feel for breaking my CICO in one sitting. I'm glad I gave myself the treat day, because it's taken away a lot of my want for unhealthy foods and bad habits, and given me a new willpower.
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