This is likely to be a long(ish) and wandering post that I hope will convey where my head is at the moment. I really just needed to get all this out of my head and put down somewhere. My time lurking on this sub-reddit has lead me to believe that it's the right place to put it. Thanks in advance for reading along.
I'm great at making excuses. It's a hard thing to admit about yourself, but as I approach "mid-life" I've been examining a lot of things about myself. I've always had an excuse. I don't exercise because I have an injured knee. I don't exercise because I have intermittent atrial fibrillation and I'm scared my heart will explode. I eat too much because of the way I grew up. And on, and on, and on.
There is some truth in my excuses (all the best lies are rooted in reality, eh?). I DO have atrial fibrillation, BUT my cardiologist has assured me it's safe to exercise and it's not an excuse not to do so. I DID grow up in a home where the rule was "eat what you take and don't waste," BUT I've been an adult on my own for nearly 20 years; no one's making me over eat now except myself. And on, and on, and on.
I'd, not too long ago, resolved myself to being overweight for the rest of my life. I have a loving wife who, thank God, loves me anyway and I had decided it would be best to just go on enjoying being myself (another lie I tell myself) and die as an overweight man, before my wife, and not needing to worry about retirement.
I can't recall the exact thread I saw here, but I remember the theme. "Middle aged 400+ pound man finally gets serious and loses 200 pounds." For some reason the thread resonated with me and I finally decided that I needed to get serious. It's not that I haven't had false starts. 10 years ago, in preparation for our wedding, I went from 300 pounds to 280 over the course of a few months doing NOTHING other than calorie counting and being more conscious about how much I was eating. After the wedding, habits went back to how they were before and here we are.
So 2 weeks ago, at 365 pounds, something snapped. I can't do it anymore. I can't look at THIS in the mirror anymore. I can't live in this negative head-space and self-image anymore. I'm tired of paying twice as much for clothes that still barely fit. I'm tired of worrying about every chair I sit in. I'm tired of using seatbelt extenders when I fly for work. I'm tired of my wife having to struggle to wrap her arms around me. I'm tired of thinking about food all. the. time. I'm tired of telling my wife that I "don't like hiking" when really I'm just embarrassed to be winded from a mile of any kind of incline. I'm just tired.
So I made a change. I decided that calorie counting worked before, it can work again, but I wanted to up the ante. So, I'm now following my recommended deficit calorie limit AND my wife and I are both doing Keto. I'm also doing intermittent fasting, but I never ate breakfast anyway...so the real change is making sure I'm not eating later at night. I'm doing some basic strength training but haven't done much cardio yet as I'm so heavy that my joints hurt when I do. When I drop a little more weight and can do so without hurting, I look forward to getting started with that as well.
In 2 weeks I'm down 10 pounds.
I know that the first few weeks aren't indicative of how fast the weight will come off as time marches on, but gosh it feels good to see the numbers trend downward on the scale. I don't look that different on the outside, but I can tell it's making a difference because I feel better. Keto has been wonderful for me and I think it's a great combination with calorie counting as one of the main things I've noticed since cutting carbs is that I'm not HUNGRY all the time. Frankly, some days I have to make myself eat more so I'm not TOO far below my calorie goal.
Anyway...I have a long way to go but I know I'll get there eventually. I look forward to seeing sub 300 numbers for the first time in 10 years and I look forward to seeing 225 on the scale for the first time since middle school.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. I take inspiration from everyone who posts on this subreddit and hope I can do the same in some small way.
TLDR; I'm fat, but I'm finally taking steps not to be and it feels good. Thanks for getting me started.
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