I've always had some sort of self image that didn't line up with reality. When I was 14 yo, my classmates were teasing me for being fat. I have a picture on social media from around that time, where the first comment was "he's so fat, it's like he's my two best friends". I looked at the picture, I looked at it hard. I wasn't fat at all. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't skinny either, I had little tummy, absolutely not visible under a t-shirt. Yet I felt like I was huge, I was a big chunk of lard, so disgusting I didn't ever wanna to get my shirt off on a beach.
Fast forward 12 years, where I think I'm a little chubby, but nothing too serious, people call me 'the big guy", so obviously I'm just tall and strong and I have a cute little belly, that girls love so much. That's how I felt like until I had to buy XXXL clothes, barely fit in the tub, not having to yell "shotgun" because people just automatically gave it up to me so five of us can fit in the car somehow, and last but not least, until I finally stepped on a scale.
I've always been pretty good at hiding my weight from myself. Buying big black clothes, when standing in front of a mirror I made sure never to turn in a way that I could see yourself from the side. If my tummy feels big when sitting, I just put a pillow in my lap. Other tricks like this have led me to being pretty close to a degree of overweight that poses an actual threat to my health.
I still have this unreal body image, but I stand on the scale every damn day, I look at myself in the mirror from the most unforgiving angles, and try to get my brain to understand, there's a serious problem, and I need to keep doing something about it.
I don't know how many of you are dealing with the same issue, I just felt like I had to get this off my chest.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2J2wiop
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