Hi.
My name is Ashley and I am overweight. I’ve been overweight for a long time, ten plus years. I’ve dieted in the past, gotten down a few dress sizes but never made it into a health weight range. I can’t really identify a real genuine reason for what makes me eat other than feeling hungry and always making a bad choice and I can’t identify a reason why I don’t move more other than I am lazy and I don’t like to suck at things in public. I have been married for 2 years and with my husband since I was 18. He has never had a problem with his weight, not to say he doesn’t have hang ups or areas he is working to improve, but he has never struggled with being overweight. In the last year or so it has been a topic of conversation more and more frequently that he wants to me to lose weight, to be healthier because my weight stops us doing things. I don’t want to go hill walking anymore because as much as we will go at my pace and stop as much as I need to where is the fun in that – constantly falling behind, having to ask to stop, to wait a few more minutes, my knees hurt, my back hurts. My confidence is shot to pieces. My husband isn’t attracted to me anymore, on the odd occasion that he compliments me he sounds shocked – like he can’t believe that I’ve managed to look reasonably put together. I’m always the biggest person in the room when I go anywhere. I avoid mirrors unless I am putting my make up on in the morning. Some bigger girls manage to look good (I’m not getting into body shaming/being overweight as an unhealthy lifestyle debate), they have curves in appealing places while I’m apple shaped and carry all my weight on my stomach, which isn’t a good look. Clothes for bigger women are all shapeless sacks unless you are the classic hourglass, and cheaper stores don’t stock anything that fits. I fully intend on getting healthy – but why can’t I have options to look good in the meantime? This is kind of getting away from me now, but I’ve joined this sub looking for motivation, and maybe some accountability while I take the steps I need to get in a shape better than round.
I weighted myself this morning and I was 17stone 9 lbs or 112kg, I am only 5 foot 4 inches or 1metre 62. At the moment I haven’t really set myself a target because primarily I want to be able to walk up the stairs to my flat without getting out of breath – I want my goals to be tied to my health my fitness and my wellbeing rather than a number on a scale that doesn’t really mean anything too me. I’m sorry for rambling on, if you have made it this far, thank you.
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